First off: I am staying here in Granada! I'm really glad I'm staying. But...Sister Aliki is being transferred to the Atherton ward. So my new companion will be Sister Oler. I don't know her very well but I've met her a few times. I am really excited for this new transfer. It is going to be awesome.
This week I have driven a LOT. I was still doing exchanges with sisters in Huntington Beach and going on the freeway (so we stay inside our mission) takes FOREVER. But it's been good. I really love those sisters. I'm sad I don't get to work with them anymore.
But driving around a lot I have gotten lost so many times. It is ridiculous. I have been painfully reminded of my complete lack of directional sense haha :) I think President should make an exception and let me have a GPS. It would save the church a lot of gas money.... ;) But I have been really grateful for members that we can call and ask them how to get back home.
Last night was the departure fireside (where missionaries who have finished their mission get to bear a final testimony and invite all the people they have worked with on their mission. And there are always a lot of amazing musical numbers). As you know, these firesides always make me think a lot and I always write about them. But this one was by far the most amazing fireside I've ever been to. It was reverent. And the Spirit was so powerful. I learned so much. One of the most amazing missionaries I know finished his mission. He was one of the assistants when I got here, so it's pretty weird to see him go home.
I've been struggling a little bit lately with feeling pretty homesick. I haven't been in love with being a missionary as much as I used to. I've been discouraged at how much I can't. And as I thought about my feelings from the very first departure fireside I ever went to compared to my feelings last night. It was quite a contrast. And I really wanted to feel the way I felt the first time. As I listened to the testimonies and wrote down thoughts I had (I was playing the piano so I got to sit on the stand and look out on all the people) Heavenly Father taught me an amazing lesson. I realized that because I had not been letting the Gospel change me-really applying the Atonement and allowing it to change me-the testimony I was bearing to others had become empty words. I realized that I need to live the Gospel in order to love it and to love sharing it with others. In saying this I don't mean that I've been not obedient or not studying or not being a missionary, but I had let it become routine and not as sincere. I now understand what I need to do to be completely lost in the work.
I thought about that a lot as we drove home last night (and got lost haha) and I wrote about it. And then I dreamed about it.
I dreamed that I had just finished my mission and was going home. I walked into the front entrance and Jennis was there. She asked me about my mission. And my dream self responded with a rather apathetic response as I remember a time when I had been disobedient and remember how I didn't really love my mission. As I dreamed it was almost like my real self was observing my dream self. I was horrified when I saw my reaction. My heart hurt when I realized that I didn't love my mission. When I woke up from my dream I had a lot to think about. I was reminded again what I want to feel when my mission is finished. I want to LOVE my mission. I want to be completely lost in the work. I want to look back and have no regrets and feel confident that I did my best and fulfilled what God wanted me to do.
Thankfully, I have loved my mission. And I haven't been disobedient. But it was such an amazing reminder of what I need to do now to love it even more.
I am so excited to really study the Gospel. To really apply the Atonement. And to really come to understand the message I am sharing everyday.
Thank you so much for your love and support. I have the best family in the world. I always tell people about you :) I hope you've had a wonderful week. Remember to read your scriptures. Love you!
Love,
Sister Andelin
No comments:
Post a Comment